A Writer’s Life: Struggling to start… again.
I’ve been quiet. I would typically apologize for that (midwest nice!) but the fact is, I’m struggling.
It isn’t that I’m not working on The Irish Project. I am.
But I’m not writing it.
I’m plotting. I’m working on characters; fleshing them out, giving them history. Giving them depth and motivation.
But I’m not writing.
I’ve spent the last few weeks trying to figure out why. I think it’s fear.
Listen, I’ve had all of the arguments with myself. No one else needs to read this if I don’t like it. I never need to share it with anyone if I don’t want to. But I’ve invested time and money in trying to get myself set on the path to writing as I have always wanted to do, and yet I still can’t seem to get there without NaNoWriMo breathing down my neck.
Why?
Doubt. Should this be written in third person or first? Do I need more action, more romance, more fantasy creatures? Am I doing this the way it deserves to be done?
I’ve struggled with self-doubt for my entire life. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I enough? I used to think it was self-esteem based, but I am no longer convinced of that. My self-esteem is fine, though it wasn’t always so.
I think I’m just petrified that this life long dream I’ve had is out of my reach.
So what am I going to do about it?
This week, I’ve been working on scenes inside the plot points I’ve re-designed. A line of dialogue comes to me, and I write it in there so that I don’t forget it. I’ve given my main character, Quinn, some new things to do and say, and some new hurdles to overcome. I’ve breathing life into her, because she deserves it.
I am not the only writer to have this problem. I’ve read blogs and watched videos of authors struggling with the same thing. Their ways of overcoming these doubts all boil down to the same thing.
Just write the damn book.
If you hate it after the first draft, okay. Decide if it’s worth revising and if it’s not move on to the next idea. Anything else is just wasting time.
If you’re a writer and you’re struggling, too, it’s okay. Wallow in it for awhile and then get on with it. Write 200 words today. Write 205 tomorrow. Write 210 the next day.
It’s more productive than daydreaming, right?
It’s all about bootstraps and pulling yourself up by them. Do it for yourself.
I’m going to.
